spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
