Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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