I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
