so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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