Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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