The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
