Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
