PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
