I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
