Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
