We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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