Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
