he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
