Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
