i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
