I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
