He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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