I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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