I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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