Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
