i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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