i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My ass is underappreciated
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
