got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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