who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
