Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
