if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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