I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
