Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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