I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize