She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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