don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
