im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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