Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
