Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
