I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
just found out that she named her cat after me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
