i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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