My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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