omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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