I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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