They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
