I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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