I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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