bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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