wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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