I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
