As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
