You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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