Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
