Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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