Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
