In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
