This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
do nipples grow back?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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