sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
