I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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