you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
