I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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