We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
