yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
