I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
