he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
