You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
