woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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