I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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