I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
