I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
