Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
