community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
